Frequently Asked Questions

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•  3 Minute Video; Kristin Neff describes self-Compassion
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11U0h0DPu7k
•  The Mothership: Center for Mindful Self-Compassion
  • www.centerformsc.org 
• Kristin Neff
  • Her Website: https://self-compassion.org/ 
  • Her books:
    • Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive, Neff 2021
    • Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself  by Kristin Neff. 2011
• Chris Germer
  • His Website: https://chrisgermer.com/ 
  • His Book:
    • The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions by Christopher K. Germer, 2009
• The MSC Workbook (Neff + Germer): 
  • The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive 
• Take stock and celebrate the self-care you are already doing
  • Self-Compassion in Daily Life 

Meditation is not a panacea or "fix-all"; it is also a loaded word that may evoke images of needing to sit on a pillow for 45 minutes a day, facing a wall and perfectly focusing on some mantra. While regular meditation is surely beneficial, when you have an already busy schedule, "not meditating" can just feel like another failure. 

if you read any of biologist, Jon Kabat-Zinn’s books on Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, he is a strong advocate for needing to meditate 45 minutes a day to be “successful”. This poses challenges for our striving, Type A, physician culture, and risks lacking self-compassion as we brand ourselves failures for not having time, energy, and/or ability to meet this very high bar.

Fortunately, it’s been shown that even 5 minutes of meditation per day can improve mood, and this can simply be: 

• Settling down comfortably at your desk
• Allowing the hustle and bustle of our day to settle in stillness
• Focusing on your breath, and when inevitably your mind wanders (and it will), coming back to your breath.  Not changing, or fixing, but just being with your breath.  Sick Kids’ 4 minute video on mindfulness 

It is important to note that meditation is not for everyone and not a panacea for health. Many people have histories of trauma and at some level the bustle of keeping busy protects them/us from harder thoughts that await in the quiet.

• See David Treleaven’s seminal work:  Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness: Practices for Safe and Transformative Healing 

With that said, here are some great resources for learning to start to meditate:

• Mindful Self-Compassion Guided Meditations and Exercises (5-20 minutes) 
• Self Compassion Break (5 mins) – Neff
• Self-Compassion Break (12 mins) – Germer 
• Compassionate Body Scan (20 mins) – Neff

This is covered nicely in Session #5: Self-Compassion and Burnout of the Self-Compassion for Healthcare Communities.

Most healthcare professionals chose healthcare because they want to help people. But there are very real and human limitations to how much we can help others, and in systems that have unrealistic demands of caregivers, often the result is overwhelming feelings of helplessness, anger, and burnout. 

Knowing how to recognize our needs and limits AND being gentle with ourselves for these very human realities is an important part of maintaining our health.

Here is a good exercise from Session #5 on equanimity in providing care:

•  Compassion with Equanimity – Germer (15 mins)

 3 minute Video on exploring our values & and acting within them; from the Happiness Trap, Dr. R. Harris (about applying ACT principles to our lives)

•  In our house “if it isn’t -Hell Yeah- it’s no…”
• This is at the heart of self-compassion, asking yourself: “what do I need?”
• Ultimately taking some time to consider our values & goals and then looking to how in-alignment we are with our values in our day to day lives, is a very worthwhile exercise. Prioritizing our Values Cards

• Humans are not only social beings but being attached to a group is an evolutionary advantage for survival, so connection and acceptance are hard wired in to our brain chemistry. 
• Social Isolation lights up the same centers as chronic pain does in our brains. So the social isolation brought on by things like COVID are literally painful.

Great question:

• First celebrate what you are already doing: what things do I already do well in taking care of myself?
• Physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally, mentally? (try filling out the Self-Compassion in Daily Life tool
• Remembering that even though we feel alone in the pandemic, that many people are struggling with the same difficult feelings (e.g., 25% reduction in workforce of nurses)
• What would I say to a friend who was struggling with life in the pandemic?
• Focus on “good enough” rather than “perfect”