Certified for MainPRO CERT+ & Royal College Credits.
Tools for Activating your soothing system
Supporting Yourself as you would a Good Friend
Self-compassion can be viewed as “treating yourself the way you would treat a friend who is having a hard time—even if your friend blew it or is feeling inadequate, or is just facing a tough life challenge.” (6, p10)
Self-compassion helps activate the nurturing Care system and softens the interplay between the Threat and Drive systems. Those who are more self-compassionate are better able to cope and combat stress as they treat themselves with kindness, warmth, and concern.2 Just like we support infants and young children, we can lend that same kindness to ourselves by using simple self-compassion exercises such as Soothing Touch and Gentle Vocalizations.
Soothing & Supportive Touch
Soothing touch activates the parts of our brain responsible for easing suffering and feeling love. While receiving a hug from a loved one can feel lovely, we can also provide this same support to ourselves in times of trouble through simple discrete touch.
This form of self-support can feel alien if new or unpractised, but please give it a try. Experiment with what it feels like to physically support yourself as you would a good friend.
Gentle Self-Talk (Finding Loving Kindness Phrases)
Just as we can soothe a child or infant with gentle speech or vocalizations, so too can we offer ourselves "verbal" support that speaks to what we need in that moment. Such phrases as "may I be kind to myself"; "may I be gentle with myself" can be offered to oneself in moments when we find ourselves being much harder on ourselves than we would be toward a good friend in the same situation.
Like soothing touch, above, these phrases are shown to directly engage the brain's Soothing Centres, resulting in the release of oxytocin and endorphins responsible for feeling safe and loved.
The Loving-Kindness phrases exercise is an excellent way of finding kind words and practicing offering verbal support for yourself- similar to how you would verbally support a good friend in times of difficulty.
The Self-Compassion Break
Feedback from our learners is that the Self-Compassion Break is one of their favourite SCHC exercises. The SC Break is a nourishing opportunity to practice both supportive touch and self-kindness phrases. It can be done very quickly "on the spot" at work or elsewhere, where time is pressing, or done in a longer, restorative version; whatever you need is in this moment.
the Self-Compassion Break
More Informal Exercises and Meditations
Kristin Neff and Chris Germer co-founded the Center for Mindful Self-compassion and the websites for all three are great places to start for more Self-compassion Tools and Exercises.
References
- Mindfulness & Clinical Psychology Solutions. Your brain’s 3 emotion regulation systems: Learn to soothe yourself [Internet]. Mindfulness & Clinical Psychology Solutions; 2023 [cited 2023 Sept 20]. Available from: https://mi-psych.com.au/your-brains-3-emotion-regulation-systems/
- Allen AB, Leary MR. Self-Compassion, Stress, and Coping: Self-Compassion, Stress, and Coping. Social and Personality Psychology Compass. 2010 Feb;4(2):107–18.
- Gilbert P. The compassionate mind: a new approach to life’s challenges. Oakland, Calif: New Harbinger Publications; 2010.
- Gilbert P. Introducing compassion-focused therapy. Adv psychiatr treat. 2009 May;15(3):199–208.
- Millard LA, Wan MW, Smith DM, Wittkowski A. The effectiveness of compassion focused therapy with clinical populations: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders. 2023 Apr;326:168–92.
- Neff K, Germer CK. The mindful self-compassion workbook: a proven way to accept yourself, build inner strength, and thrive. New York, NY: Guilford Press; 2018.
- Gilbert P. The origins and nature of compassion focused therapy. Br J Clin Psychol. 2014 Mar;53(1):6–41.
Acknowledgements
Thank you to Kristin Neff, Chris Germer and the entire team at the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion for both this content and their mentorship in providing it.
Thank you to Monique Mercier and Chad Tremblay for their great contributions to this page and it's associated Infographic; as well as to the CFPC and it's Wellness MIG Leads: Drs. Bearrs and Kim for their feedback and support.